Thursday

Pinning Perfection

Build a stellar set of ABS for 2013 with this intense, 8 exercise abs workout plan
Picture from Pinterest 

 
WARNING this is a long post with a lot of opinions and probably too much information about me!
This year has been the first year that losing weight and getting the body I have always wanted was not on the top of my goal list.  As I browse pinterest I see many pictures that look a lot like this.  This in fact came from my own fitness board.  So while the information the comes with this article might be useful, why do these pictures bother me?  Well I will tell you why... because this is what the world is telling us we need to look like.  We need to have these sexy perfect bodies.  While I applaud these ladies for working their butt off, this is just not for me.
As women we tend to get caught up in pinning the best of people's lives.  We pin their big houses which are perfectly decorated.  We pin their beautiful hair, their fashionable outfits, their gourmet meals, their slim down diets.  We want those perfect things and we tend to loose focus of what we actually have....well at least I have.  I am a culprit of this and I found the dangers in it.  
I have lived with body images my whole life.  I have looked at these girls and hated myself for not being them.  This is what I wanted to look like, not a 5'10 women with a thick build, size 12 feet, short waist and round face.  I would tell myself lies that I could look like this if I just tried hard enough.  I would compare myself to others and was never satisfied with what I had.  I stressed about loosing weight so much that I think my body stopped loosing weight because I was so stressed. I judged myself so much harder then I judge others.  I would have unreasonable expectations for myself. Well this last year I learned a few lessons...the hard way.
                      1. There is no such thing as Perfect
2. Focusing on the world's standards of what is important and beautiful is a trap.
3. Focusing just on me and trying to be like someone else does not bring happiness.

1. I had to learn how to change my whole way of thinking and to get this idea of perfection out of my head.  I think women in general have these false expectations of what they think they should be or what people expect of them.  I know I do.  I felt that if  I was not this perfect mom who had it all together then I was failing.  So I was focusing on my imperfections and trying to be perfect.  I tried dieting, I tried having gourmet meals on my table, having a constantly clean house, having a schedule for my kids, trying to exercise so I looked sexy, trying to always look cute.  I was trying to do it all.....and still not happy!  I learned through therapy...yes I have had therapy....best thing I have done....that there is no such thing as perfection but that our focus needs to be on progress and that it is human to make mistakes and not always have it together.  I also learned that I needed to love myself and accept myself for who I am or I would never be happy.  

2. The world has built these stupid standards for women and we just go along with it.  How many celebrities get front pages of magazine covers because they lost their baby weight in a month.  We are constantly being subjected to false standards of beauty and turned into sex objects.  We are told what will make us more beautiful and while some of it may be good information the rest is a load of crap and not worth stressing about.  We can't change the way God made us...well we can in some ways, but I feel that we probably shouldn't.  Yes I can get bigger boobs but I can also starve myself and still weigh more then the average women.  Seeing these beautiful women and feeling like you have to look like them is a trap....that only makes you feel bad about yourself.  We are all different and that was the plan, that's how it is supposed to be.  There is not just one kind of beautiful.  I will never have the body of a model, I will never have abs of steal, I will never have long beautiful hair, I will never have really cute shoes that fit right.  Don't fall into the trap of the world's standards of beautiful! I am sure your husband did not marry you hoping that one day you might look like a Victoria's Secret model.  

3. Satan is a tricky fellow, he wants us to have false idols and to hate ourselves.  He wants us to look at these celebrities and think that we need to be just like that.  He wants us as mothers to struggle with self image and to be consumed with ourselves.  The more I tried fixing all my imperfections the more I became consumed with myself and had totally forgotten God and the things really important in this life. And you want to know where that got me...... the Loony Bin (seriously...but that is a story for another time)The moment I realized to forget myself and served others and made God a priority in my life is when I found my happiness and confidence again. 

I had to totally change my way of thinking...not just for me but for my own daughters.  As mothers we model the behaviors our daughters will adopt. As my girls see me criticize and get depressed over my weight....what do you think they are going to start doing? As they see me tug on my belly and only drink my smoothies because I want to loose weight, what does that tell them?  I want my girls to be confident and to love the bodies they have been given.  I don't want them to never go through what I went through and the hate and disappointment I had for my body.  I am constantly trying to be happy with who I am.(it is an ongoing process)  Being healthy is my focus, if I drop weight that is great, but I don't have to fill a false standard of sexiness.  My body is a tool to doing the things I need to do in this life, to doing the things God has planned for me.  This is what I am learning and will continue to learn.  I know I may get side tracked and I am sure there will be times where I may revert back to feeling inadequate, but I hope in that time of self loathing I will know who is making me feel that way and that I have a choice and the courage to change.

So as I spend time looking on the web and pinterest I need to remember that I don't have to pin perfection.  I can pin the things that will help me but I don't need to stress about the amazing things other mom's are doing, or the amazing bodies other women have, or their amazing houses.  I just need to enjoy our differences and be grateful for the things I do have.  Just because it is popular on the web doesn't mean I have to do it and if I don't I am not a failure.

So when we learn to love ourselves and not get consumed by our imperfections then we will know true happiness.

Here is what you wont see on Pinterest and what I spent most of my life wishing I could change and hating about my body.
1. My love handles and my big hips and bottom.   I also have a short waist a large rib cage and larger bones (big boned is what everyone referred to it as a kid) But on the positive side these big bones kept me from being paralyzed...so I think that trumps being petite:)

2. I bite my nails.  No matter how hard I try I can't stop.  They are also really thin and bend and tear easily. So no cute manicures for me.  Every time I paint my nails i bite it off....gross I know!

3. My freakishly long fingers.  I would have made a great piano player!  The kids in my sign class used to laugh when I signed because it looked like Edward Scissor Hands trying to sign:) But I could palm a basketball and I think my long arms and hands gave me an advantage in basketball.

4. My big feet.  Yes sir these are size 12 feet.  My toes are really long.  I used to call them my fins in swim team.  Kids in school would call them Ronald McDonald feet. Trying to find shoes is impossible, I usually have to order online.  If you want a good laugh go to overstock.com and search shoes in size 12.  These are a few of the things you will find.
 Demonia Women's 'Gothika-100' Black Platform Steampunk Mid-calf BootsFuntasma Women's 'Candycane-48' Striped Chunky Heel PumpsPleaser Women's 'Delight-698' 6-inch Stiletto Heel Lace-Up SandalFuntasma Women's 'Indian-257' 4 1/2-inch Stiletto Heel Knee High SandalWomen's Devious Femme-12 Black LeatherThese are just a few of the 1000's of hideous shoes.  I think their specialty market is for hookers, transvestites and old ladies.  I would die to be at least a size 10.  Although we would probably be in the poor house because I love shoes....I just can't fit in any.  So if you see me wearing mens shoes or flip flops in winter....you know why.
5. My thin hair and round face...gotta love the bags under my eye's....apparently my expensive eye cream is not doing it's job:)
6. My chubby arms.  These babies keep me in long sleeves almost all year round.  Oh and speaking of babies, who can forget the soft baby belly you get from having kids....my baby is two and  I still haven't dropped the baby weight....and then I have to add the saggy boobs you get from having babies.....thank goodness for push up bras!

7. My sexy scar.  This is the least of my insecurities because this is a reminder of perseverance and getting through those hurdles that life throws at us.  My wound is healed but the scar is left as a reminder...a reminder that having a sexy "Perfect" body is not what is most important in this life.  So yes I may not have what the world thinks as a sexy body and I spent most of my life worrying about it....and now it is time to change.  What is most important in this life are the good choices I make, and making sure that this body stays healthy so that I can do the things my Father in Heaven would want me to do.  I have wasted so much time consumed with myself that I have missed many opportunities to be of service to another person.  My insecurities kept me from reaching out to others and from  making a difference in the lives of those around me.

So here is to a new year, new priorities and new ways of thinking!  Here is to loving me for who I am and accepting my imperfections and loving my body even though it does not fit the worlds standards!

6 comments:

MaMa Nelson said...

I am sure glad we don’t have to look to the world for our role models. I have always looked to my girls for my roll models in life. If I were to post the most beautiful girls in the world one of them would be you Amie. You have always been so photogenic. Your cute nose adorable face and sense of humor has always draw people to you. I wish I had your gift of quick wit. Your sensitivity and kindness to others has always been a gift. Your athletic abilities and competitive drive is admirable. The list could continue to go on. I am so glad you are letting go of those false role models and I hope that you will one day see what we all see your gifts and imperfections are what we all love about you. You would not be near as beautiful with out them. I love you feet and you hands and all the good you have done with them over the year. I just love you Amie MOM

Sadie said...

Amie, I love the past few posts you've put up. Your words are spot on. You don't need to look at the world to see what real beauty is, in my opinion, you only need to look in the mirror. You are beautiful, inside and out.

I was so sad to hear how hard your recovery has been. You are such an incredibly strong person. I am amazed at the pains you have had to endure, but even more in awe of how well you take it all in stride. You are one tough cookie!

I guess the thing that I've loved most about these posts is how apparent it is that you are happy, that you are overcoming, that you are realizing the love Heavenly Father has for you. Your testimony strengthens mine.

Thanks for being you. I love ya!
Sadie

Nicole Stucki said...

AMY!!!!! How I loved loved loved reading your blog. And how I loved loved loved the pictures you posted. You took the words right out of my mouth. I struggle with insecurities every.single.day. It's not good the thoughts that run through my head and the pictures I see of fit chicks on instagram. You are one amazing girl and I'm so glad there are others out there who struggle like me. If you walk into my house 90% chance it's a wreck and I'm in yoga pants and a sweatshirt and no make up on :). It's how I roll. Thank you for sharing this! I know how hard it is to do things like this but guess what when I look at this I see a confident proud woman who is happy to be you :). THANK YOU again for posting this. It means more to me than you will ever know. Love and miss you guys!

Sandee said...

thank you, amie, thank you.

Justin, Kalia, & the little nippers said...

Thank you, Amie! For your bold naked honesty, you speak to my heart! What I see in your selfies is a way cute mom with cute hair and a pretty face (though sad in the pics). When I knew you, you radiated joy and I love you for th

Justin, Kalia, & the little nippers said...

For that. Anyway, I also know how you feel and that it's real feelings, but I also love your ideas on shifting perspective to what matters. My daily struggle all the way around. You inspire me! Thank you for shining your light for others to follow!