Posted by Matt Berry at Friday, February 14, 2014
|Picture from Pinterest|
|2. I bite my nails. No matter how hard I try I can't stop. They are also really thin and bend and tear easily. So no cute manicures for me. Every time I paint my nails i bite it off....gross I know!|
|5. My thin hair and round face...gotta love the bags under my eye's....apparently my expensive eye cream is not doing it's job:)|
Posted by Amie at Thursday, January 30, 2014
This year I had to evaluate my responsibilities and job title and decided after 9 years in my job I would be making some big changes. I would no longer be doing my regular duties. So I will no longer be doing my regular mommy responsibilities and instead outsource them all to my family.
So far I have not had to make one single meal. My neighbors have taken care of that. Ya I live in an amazing neighborhood. Matt has also learned how to make me yummy salads, but we are still working on perfecting cooked cereal.
I no longer dry myself after my showers, I outsourced that to Matt, as well as picking my clothes out and getting me dressed. Luckily, I still have a say in what I wear. My children also help me get dressed and are very good at fetching me the things I need. They also like to drop my pills in my mouth. I think they think it is fun, like feeding a baby bird. My kids are also very good at reminding me to not bend, and to be careful and drink my water.
Matt is also a natural at doing hair. After one lesson he learned how to blow dry my hair with a round brush and knows all the products I use on my hair. Let me just say that this is what I will miss the most when the doctors give me the OK to do my daily routines. He also does the girls hair. For a while I would let it go that the girls pony tails were crooked or had bumps but lately he has stepped up his game. The other day Hailey came in my room all ready for preschool rocking a french braid!
Not only does Matt bath and dress our kids, but takes them to practices, feeds them meals, he does all the bills and finances, cleans (occasionally), does laundry, plays with the girls, takes care of my pills and keeps me on schedule and does his full time job. The guy is amazing and I wonder how he does it all. I thought for sure that he would be struggling and wondering how I do it all....but he has handled it like a pro.
When Hailey came in with her french braid I was amazed and then I had this feeling of sadness, like my family didn't need me as much as I thought they did. My baby cries for her daddy and rarely wants to snuggle me. My two older girls seem fine but I feel distanced from their lives because it is harder for me to be totally engaged in them.
I know this is off topic but one of my biggest fears is that I will die before I get to see my girls grown, before I get to see my gran kids. I know that is a morbid thought and something I can't control, but I used to think that the Lord would keep me here, because without me my family would crumble and could not function. Now I know they can and it is a bittersweet feeling.
As cheesy as this may sound I really do have an amazing husband. You hear the phrase, "we were meant for each other," well I have no doubt that Matt was meant to be in my life. We have gone through a lot this past year and if it was not for him I would not have made it. He had been prepared in other ways of his life to deal with the things that were to come. Where I am weak he is strong. My life is not perfect but it does not need to be...there is no such thing as perfect. I know I have been blessed. I have a wonderful best friend who looks out for me everyday and I have three little girls who make my life better and love me and needed me in ways I have never been needed before and I have a loving Savior who watches over and blesses my life constantly.
So while I have enjoyed outsourcing all my jobs and I have enjoyed my vacation I am ready to get back in the game and take some of these burdens and work off of Matt. I am ready to do my mommy duties as tasking as they can be at times and I hope that I am able to do this in a body that finally works and lets me move and be able to play with my kids. I want to be able to exercise again and help my kids with their sports. I want to be able to climb the stairs, and sneeze without wanting to cry out in pain. I hope and pray that this surgery will change all that.....but time will tell. So while I wait....Faith and relying on God helps get me by and knowing that Matt has everything taken care of....ohh and the fact that this is probably the only time I will get to have these freedoms till all my kids have moved out of the house:)
Posted by Amie at Thursday, January 30, 2014
I sat and waited what seemed like forever and then a bossy nurse from Brooklyn who was not into making small talk had me pee in a cup and then put my sexy gown on. My anesthesiologist came in and talked with me, she totally rocked and I could not even feel the needle she put in. Then the Doctor's assistant came in and told me what to expect and then I was off. I gave a brief hug to Matt and then I was wheeled down to the surgical room....and from there I don't remember anything but waking up.
The last time I had been in surgery was when I was 14 and I talked a lot about my worries about taking my ISAT'S and making the basketball team. Apparently the surgical team got a kick out of that and told the story to everyone, so this time I wanted to act ...not so drugged up. So when I started coming to I remember thinking...ok be calm, don't say anything weird. So I am not sure exactly what I said but I think I asked the nurses about their families and tried to be adult about it. I also remember feeling like I got hit by a truck. My whole body hurt and not to mention my eye kept twitching and burning. Ya I felt like crap and was very disappointed when I found out I would not be getting a morphine drip!
My overall hospital experience went pretty smooth. I had a lot of support. Matt was by my side almost the whole time....except for the time he went out to get food and did not come back for hours...it scared the crap out of me! I was sure he got mugged but he had just met up to hang with a buddy. But Matt's mom was there in the beginning to help me and was seriously an angel. Her nursing background came in handy and I was so glad to have her and Ron there.....Ron was great at bringing me the food I actually wanted to eat, rather then the crappy hospital food. My family also came and it was so great to have them. My mom stayed by my side and stayed the night with me...which was such a blessing...my sister Lara sat with me so Matt could go get some good sleep and her hubby helped chase down nurses when I needed some more meds. My brother Kurt came and stayed and was so adorable as he stayed by my side and helped out and my dad and his support....sticking around and holding the barf bucket for me. There is nothing like family support to get you through the tough times.
Getting through this was harder then I expected and I did not bounce back as quick as my little 14 year old self. A few hours after surgery the physical therapist came and wanted me to get up and see if I could walk. I seriously thought it was a joke and I am pretty sure I said something like, "you gotta be shitting me." (sorry for the profanity but I felt like I got hit by a truck and he wants me to get up and walk it off) So I rolled out of bed and walked a little...just to make this jerk happy. I did not connect with him well. Also the narcotics were really affecting my blood pressure. I already have really low blood pressure and the narcotics would bring it down very low. The first night my nurse was scared and wanted to limit the drugs...which made me a very unhappy patient. The next day I had a great nurse who scheduled my drugs and when the CNA's came in to take my blood pressure when it showed 71 over 35 she assured them that I was ok. I had some great nurses except for the one that could barely speak English, I really disliked her. Not that she could not speak English but that she did not do her job and was not there when I needed drugs...I waited over and hour and a half trying to get her to come in and give me my meds......not a happy camper.
It was intersting to me how I connected with some of my nurses...to all you nurses out there I solute you, you can make a world of difference. My low blood pressure made me nasues and slightly dizzy. One day after my morning walk with the PT I had to use the bathroom, which is a community affair. As I got up I instantly got dizzy and could feel the blood draining from my face. I notified Matt that I was going to pass out and probably vomit...which both happened. Somehow I made it to my bed...and laid down. Later that day my nurse told me how scared it had made her to see me go so white. She promised that she would help me get to feeling better. She took her job seriously, and talked to me more like you would a friend. When her shift was up she left excplicit instructions for the next nurse and even wrote them on the white board in my room. A few days later she was on again and I was having a bad day, I had just vomited agian and the PT showed up wanting me to walk some more. She yelled at him to get out of the room and that I would not be going anywhere today. I was so grateful for her.
My last nurse was the cutest lady and it felt like having your grandma take care of you. I will never forget her potty dance, as she tried to get me hyped up about having a bowel movement. She was darling and when it was time for me to leave I felt a little sad, like I would miss her. She gave us our goodbyes and wished me the best and as we stood in silence I asked for a hug. She gave me a hug and I told her how grateful I was for her and her help, she was a wonderful nurse. She shook her head and said, "a good nurse is only as good as her patient, and you were one of the best." It is funny to me how people like that, who you will never have a lasting relationship with, can still make an impression in your life and change your circumstances.
|The new me! New hardware on both sides, a new fusion and a spacer...which I just found out was made of cadaver bone....which creeped me out and made me grateful at the same time.|
Posted by Amie at Wednesday, January 29, 2014
Later that evening we packed up and went to Gooding for our Nelson Christmas party. I have no photos of this experience because I just let my brother who has the amazing camera take all the photos. But it was a blast. I love my siblings and spending time with them was kind of like being a kid again. We played and teased the only difference is we all had our spouses with us. My Aunt Becky and Uncle Charlie were also there as well as my Grandma and Grandpa and it was a great reunion.
My mom even offered to babysit all out kids while we went to dinner and a movie with all the siblings (except Lara, she was the only one who did not come this year) and it seriously was the best Christmas present ever. Grams took us to dinner at our favorite Mexican restaurant and then from there it was party time. As we had time to kill before the movie the words FREEDOM kept running through my mind. I am not going to lie, going out without kids is amazing! While we played my mom had a party for the girls. A pajama party that included chocolate fondue and games and movies. The girls had a blast! My mom is pretty awesome like that.
So that week we sat and watched movies, talked, put together puzzles, watched more movies, played games, had our Nelson gift exchange, ate way too much junk food and ate an insane amount of mom's famous ginger snaps cookies. It was a great Christmas.
Posted by Amie at Wednesday, January 29, 2014
I really love this time of year. I love getting into the Christmas spirit, working on projects and gifts, making goodies, and feeling closer to my Savior. I love all our little traditions and this year we started a new one. We decided we would pick someone we could be a secret Santa for.
This idea came to me after I had parent teacher conferences with Avery's teacher and found out she was struggling to get along with another girl in her class. This girl does not have the cutest clothes, struggles with hygiene, and does not have an ideal parent situation. I tried to tell Avery how important it was to be her friend and look past these things but I felt that my words would not change the situation. I knew we needed to find a way to serve her.
So we decided to get some presents for her and drop them off at her house anonymously. Avery donated some of her nicer clothing and then used her own money to buy her some pants to go with the tops. We also bought her a few other things but the big thing was Avery's sacrifice. She had been saving her money to buy an American Girl Doll and by using her money put her even further back from this goal. I was surprised to see she did not really mind that and was happy to serve this friend.
I hope and pray that night as Matt went with Avery to drop of the Secret Santa bag that she learned a few lessons. I want my daughter to see the world around her and see the needs of others, be less selfish and more giving. I want so much for her....I hope that by doing these little things she will learn whats really important in this life....
Posted by Amie at Sunday, January 19, 2014