Outsourcing

 This year I had to evaluate my responsibilities and job title and decided after 9 years in my job I would be making some big changes.  I would no longer be doing my regular duties.  So I will no longer be doing my regular mommy responsibilities and instead outsource them all to my family.

 So far I have not had to make one single meal.  My neighbors have taken care of that. Ya I live in an amazing neighborhood.  Matt has also learned how to make me yummy salads, but we are still working on perfecting cooked cereal.

 I no longer dry myself after my showers, I outsourced that to Matt, as well as picking my clothes out and getting me dressed. Luckily, I still have a say in what I wear.  My children also help me get dressed and are very good at fetching me the things I need.  They also like to drop my pills in my mouth. I think they think it is fun, like feeding a baby bird.  My kids are also very good at reminding me to not bend, and to be careful and drink my water.

 Matt is also a natural at doing hair.  After one lesson he learned how to blow dry my hair with a round brush and knows all the products I use on my hair.  Let me just say that this is what I will miss the most when the doctors give me the OK to do my daily routines.  He also does the girls hair.  For a while I would let it go that the girls pony tails were crooked or had bumps but lately he has stepped up his game.  The other day Hailey came in my room all ready for preschool rocking a french braid!

Not only does Matt bath and dress our kids, but takes them to practices, feeds them meals, he does all the bills and finances, cleans (occasionally), does laundry, plays with the girls, takes care of my pills and keeps me on schedule and does his full time job.  The guy is amazing and I wonder how he does it all.  I thought for sure that he would be struggling and wondering how I do it all....but he has handled it like a pro.

When Hailey came in with her french braid I was amazed and then I had this feeling of sadness, like my family didn't need me as much as I thought they did.  My baby cries for her daddy and rarely wants to snuggle me.  My two older girls seem fine but I feel distanced from their lives because it is harder for me to be totally engaged in them.

I know this is off topic but one of my biggest fears is that I will die before I get to see my girls grown, before I get to see my gran kids.  I know that is a morbid thought and something I can't control, but I used to think that the Lord would keep me here, because without me my family would crumble and could not function.  Now I know they can and it is a bittersweet feeling.

As cheesy as this may sound I really do have an amazing husband.  You hear the phrase, "we were meant for each other," well I have no doubt that Matt was meant to be in my life.  We have gone through a lot this past year and if it was not for him I would not have made it.  He had been prepared in other ways of his life to deal with the things that were to come.  Where I am weak he is strong.  My life is not perfect but it does not need to be...there is no such thing as perfect.  I know I have been blessed.  I have a wonderful best friend who looks out for me everyday and I have three little girls who make my life better and love me and needed me in ways I have never been needed before and I have a loving Savior who watches over and blesses my life constantly.

So while I have enjoyed outsourcing all my jobs and I have enjoyed my vacation I am ready to get back in the game and take some of these burdens and work off of Matt.  I am ready to do my mommy duties as tasking as they can be at times and I hope that I am able to do this in a body that finally works and lets me move and be able to play with my kids.  I want to be able to exercise again and help my kids with their sports.  I want to be able to climb the stairs, and sneeze without wanting to cry out in pain.  I hope and pray that this surgery will change all that.....but time will tell.  So while I wait....Faith and relying on God helps get me by and knowing that Matt has everything taken care of....ohh and the fact that this is probably the only time I will get to have these freedoms till all my kids have moved out of the house:)